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| I know this is just a feeling. I really do. And I understand that feelings change, and in even a few minutes I could be feeling alive, happy and content... But none of that changes how I feel. None of that changes the fact that I feel empty right now. Devoid of a future, of an escape or of hope.
All I want to do is to stop feeling. To let my heart stop beating for an hour or two...
I don't know.
The more I think about life the more I realize there is nothing to think about. Maybe the Christians, Muslims and Scientologists have it right. Maybe we can't find the answers on our own, and blind faith is the only way to function in this world. Is it perfect? Maybe not, but at least they have some sense of direction. Some sense of purpose. Hell, some sense of what to do in a given situation.
The emotions are ebbing away. I feel numb.
All I can think about now is the way the scent of the rain reminds me of painful childhood memories. I can't even remember what they were. All I remember is the feeling...
*Sigh*
I feel like I am watching my life being lived. Like I am no longer in control of my own actions. And maybe I'm not. Maybe no one is.
Fuck. I need to stop this. It isn't going anywhere. | | |
| Theft is the taking of property that is not yours. Finding something you want, and grabbing it for yourself: The transfer of ownership without consent.
My thoughts on the matter are such: Why is this so bad, and yet acts of a very similar nature are considered not only not immoral, but occasionally even moral themselves?
Think, if you will, about a law you disagree with. The government will force you to pay, for a reason you find to be ridiculous. You disagree with them, the money is yours, and they force you to pay them. Why is that not theft? Why is that moral?
I was once forced to pay $300 for drinking my own alcohol, in my own house, as an adult. I was 20. I found this law to be ludicrous bordering on insane, but it didn't matter; I had to pay.
Or what about potential property? If two people apply for a job, and one of them works very hard to secure it, is he/she not taking the job away from someone else? A preliminary form of theft. You are working hard and consciously to get the money producing job and prevent the other person from getting it. It is still you depriving another person of money, simply intercepting it before it even makes it into their hands. Why is it more moral to do this than to take the money they already have? Or what if you take someone else's job? Isn't that the same as taking their money?
It might seem obviously different, but the end results are the same as theft. It is simply that we have accepted these forms, and have rejected outright theft.
The best way to argue, I would think, would be for stability. The morals that keep the above "moral", do so to keep us from being unable to ever have any semblance of security in our own lives. To keep everything functioning normally, we need to be able to count on our car being there the next day, our house being "our" house and the laws to be universal.
It is needed for the continuation of a normal life, but I would hardly call these actions "moral", and, for the same reason, would not really call theft "immoral" | | |
| I'm feeling saturated by psychological weariness at the moment. Every time I try to begin again at this endless task of deciphering the world, my mind nearly laughs at the impossibility of the task. To discover the truth about life is to discover the truth about, well, everything! You can't expect to discover who you are, without knowing where you came from, what you are made of and the way that you function. To discover the truth of these, you would need to look into nearly every field of science and become knowledgeable enough to not only understand what is currently known, but likely enough to actually ADVANCE THE FIELD to the point where you know enough to proceed with your other questions.
I am finding it easier and easier to think of people believing lies as more intelligent than me in a way. Why attempt the impossible? Why look into a question that is likely without an answer(or at least an answer we are capable of achieving, or even understanding).
Maybe my mind is getting sick of this, or maybe I just lack the discipline needed to continue, because I have a hard time staying focused in this area for longer than about 10 minutes. Try to figure life out without even an idea of where to begin, and then look back in 10 minutes at all the unanswered questions you've already built up. It's disgusting.
Getting drunk has never sounded both so desirable, and so ungodly repulsive at the same time. | | |
| I've had poison oak for the last few days. This itching and scratching is driving me crazy, mainly because I am highly sensitive to it and because of where it is located. Just don't ask me how it managed to get there.
Normally, I am not one for pain killers or medicine of any kind. But when it comes to poison oak, I am willing to make an exception. A big one. In fact, I am sort of taking the "throw everything at it until it dies" approach.
And, of course, I forgot that some medicine doesn't work well with others. Or maybe works "too well" with others?
Anyways, the point is, I'm stoned. Sadly, I don't enjoy being stoned. So I have to decide between itching like crazy, or being stoned until this stuff goes away. Not a hard choice for most, but both of those options drive me insane. BLeH.
What would you choose? | | |
| I need a base. A system on which to base my thoughts, if not my life. As it is right now I more or less follow the path with the least resistance, but that path is getting old. It has no direction, and is always trumped by someone who knows what they want. Christians have God, Evolutionists tend to have a system that they've built on their understanding of evolution, Hippies have the moon(how that works, I don't know).
The problem is, when your entire system is built on rejecting truth as an understood constant(that is, to have a belief and be resistant to change it), where do you start?
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